Recycling Tips

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Flatten cardboard boxes before recycling. Before flattening remove all homeless people living inside.

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A compost heap is a great way to stink up your backyard and still feel smug about it.

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If you break up with him in the right way, an ex-boyfriend can be recycled into a furniture mover or cash machine.

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Putting your plastic grocery bags into your grocer’s recycling bin allows all those plastic bags to be thrown into the dumpster at once, saving time and energy.

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Corporations burn through millions of sheets of paper. When you get ready to print a large document, ask yourself, “Could I present this information orally, in the form of a sonnet or song?”…

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Plastic containers have little tiny triangles with even tinier numbers on them to designate what kind of recycling they are. I’d recommend using your reading glasses or a magnifying glass to make out what the numbers are, but I’m pretty sure you’ve already recycled your reading glasses and magnifying glasses.

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The insane can be recycled into talk radio personalities and local mayoral candidates.

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If you do not have a local recycling facility, oft times, dumping your recycling at the end of a gravel road or into a lake will work just as well…

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Do your best to determine which houses have alcoholics living in them and pick the beer cans out of their garbage. Good rule of thumb: If there is a lot of shouting and it isn’t a karate studio, there’s probably an alcoholic living there.

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Glass can be recycled over and over, saving our nation’s sand for our nation’s beach volleyball players… truly our greatest resource…

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Often, eulogies can be recycled if you just change the pronouns.

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An old car battery can be recycled, which is a lot nicer than what you were going to do with it…

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4 thoughts on “Recycling Tips

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