Things You Missed Because You are Younger than I am

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Space Food Sticks: Just like the astronauts didn’t eat. What were they like? Ear wax taken from an Oompa Loompa… in stick form!

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Half the married people were trying to convince their spouses that open marriages were “natural” and “healthy” while the other half were looking for good divorce lawyers.

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The phrase, “Why yes, I’d very much like a set of encyclopedias”…

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Typing a school paper consisted of carefully hitting the proper keys, exhaustively checking over each page before removing it from the carriage and then finding a typographical error right on the middle of those pages.  Most of your time is spent trying to find a synonym for “subvert” but with one less letter.

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Board games with unrealistic photographs of parents playing it on the box. Yes, mommy and daddy were smiling AND making casual physical contact AND interacting with their children. A world even Frank Herbert couldn’t imagine…

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We learned to spell “encyclopedia” from a cartoon cricket.

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For men: Platform shoes, feathered hair and gold necklaces; or, “Metrosexuality in the Time of Cholera”…

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Farrah slacks with colorful patterns that looked like a test pattern had unprotected sex with a tartan. Usually worn with a mustache that screamed, “I AM A DORK!”

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Cartoon characters making cigarette commercials. Yeah, we all knew Fred Flintstone smoked, but seeing him do it right in front of us is still pretty disturbing.

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Before smart phones, mass transit users interacted in a salon-type environment where ideas were freely exchanged, such as, guys with greasy long hair weren’t real Americans and why fat guys with crew cuts were fascists.

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Saturday morning television was just for kids. We WERE the demographic. Well-planned ads were specially designed to make toys, that were just awful, seem like Disneyland in a box. The greatest cartoons of all time would come on at six-thirty… by the time Soul Train heralded the end of the morning, you’d also seen the very worst cartoons of all time.

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Going to the reference desk at the library to find out something. Much less efficient than today when we just scream, “fake news” and go about our business.

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The president was subject to American laws.

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9 thoughts on “Things You Missed Because You are Younger than I am

  1. Ohhh … was there a bit of nastiness in this piece. Perhaps you could do the other end of the spectrum … things you missed because your dead. Huh? Huh? Huh? (Like kids with attention deficit disorder) Yes, I would like fries with that and supersize them please.

    Liked by 1 person

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