Admit that you are powerless over your need to knock over and eat from garbage cans.
Admit that there is a power greater than yourself who can keep you from knocking over and eating from garbage cans. This power may come in the form of a locking trashcan lid or a park ranger.
Turn over your will to that higher power or, barring that, submit to being shot in the butt with a tranquilizer gun, bound and carried to a spot three hundred miles from your home.
Make an inventory of yourself. Hat… check, tie… check… vest… check… you are, in fact, Yogi Bear.
Admit the wrong you have done to yourself and to one other bear of any variety except Panda.
Submit to your higher power to change you… hopefully while keeping your testicles intact.
Oh… and maybe no lobotomies either…
Admit to the people you’ve wronged that you’ve wronged them… WITHOUT mauling them.
Make amends to those people… probably in the form of freshly-caught salmon…
Continue contemplating what you’ve done until you start salivating and looking for more trash cans…
Make a better friend of your higher power (the park ranger) for your own sake and because maybe snacks.
Tell other bears about your transformation using that grotesque simple bear language of yours. After a while, the conversation may turn to banding together and systematically wiping out the human race. Admit that you are powerless to stop that as well…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
I hate panda bears 😤
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Aren’t they prima donnas?
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Yes. I detest them.
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Funny list – really liked the Yogi Bear one 🙂
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Yogi Bear has a special place in my heart. Stick it to the man and take his pic-a-nick baskets!
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Great post! From reading it, I think I have determined that I have a problem. I will soon be mailing you one salmon. Ironically, I’m sending it COD.
And the dry ice was extra, so you may notice a slight pong when it arrives.
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Thank you. Interestingly enough, Slight Pong was a Chinese freedom fighter who fought the British during the Opium Wars…
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I know! I just bought his rookie card at a flea market. The poor sucker who was selling it didn’t know what he had.
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I love bears and wish they would visit me. They don’t seem to like tropical swamps… I am destined to be bearless.
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You forget Swamp Bears, which I’ve been told are also called “alligators”…
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We have one swamp bear a few miles from my house but they aren’t very cuddly…🐊
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