Thoughts on Dogs and their Food

Image result for multi flavored milk bone
It’s “bolt it down without chewing” good!

If you feed your dog randomly, throughout the day, your dog will want food all the time; but, if you feed your dog on a strict schedule, it will only want food all the time…

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Cycle dog food varies its formula based on a dog’s age. Be careful! If you feed Cycle 4 to a Cycle 1-aged dog, it will explode.

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Canned dog food looks disgusting to us, but a hundred thousand years ago, dogs were eating three-day-old scavenged corpses. Canned dog food must be like an orgasm in a can to a dog.

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Those dog biscuits that come in all of those different colors pretty much taste the same. You’re welcome.

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Gravy Train was invented in an effort to get dogs to believe in God.

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Dogs are all carrion-eating, slobbering, filthy idiots who, when not knocking over a lamp, are licking their genitals with a frightening single-mindedness. We overlook all of that on the basis of a dog’s charisma alone. That, my friends, is impressive.

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Dogs instinctively fear fire so… nothing flambe’.

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Don’t surprise your dog while she’s eating; however, after she’s done, it’s okay to sneak up and scare the living crap out of her.

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If something tastes so bad you are holding it under the table for the dog, you might have a long wait.

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There are commercially-available dog foods with smoked salmon, venison and wild boar. Exquisite meals that are often enhance by a hearty session of drinking out of the toilet.

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By papal edict, if someone recommends vegetarian dog food for your dog, you can kill that person and not go to Hell. Murder, however, may be illegal in your state; so, check local laws before doing anything impulsive…

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Also, remember to vary your dog’s diet because dogs are easily bored and will only eat everything that you put in front of them…

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14 thoughts on “Thoughts on Dogs and their Food

  1. I have always thought the same on wet dog food. I give the ew gross and I look to my dog to see a huge puddle of drool on the floor underneath her staring at me with a “she has a can of wet dog food” eyes

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dog, mostly; but, back when I was married, my ex inserted a cat in my life and it lived another fifteen years… I didn’t dislike her, but I was damned if I was going to rush out and get another after she passed away…

      Liked by 1 person

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