What I Learned From Being in a Long-Term Relationship

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I got to learn all of my faults, in great detail, as if Herman Melville had written about them in his book, Moby Fault.

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I learned that, regardless of what happens, my children always love me. I also learned that this is of small comfort.

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After being yelled at in the middle of the night by a woman with a wet buttocks, I learned to leave the toilet seat down.

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I learned that, if you are a man getting a divorce, the entire legal system is stacked against you; however, if you are a woman, the entire legal system is stacked against you.

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I learned to NEVER be in the delivery room when my partner is giving birth because she’ll associate the pain of childbirth with looking at my stupid face.

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I learned that the pain of childbirth is eventually forgotten; but, the pain of having to hear about the pain of childbirth continues long after the women has gone through menopause.

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I learned that a man who cannot install a ceiling fan is a wimp; but, a woman who cannot make a tuna casserole is having sexist expectations forced on her.

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I learned that, as a man, I am rather unimportant; but, as a bi-weekly paycheck, I am essential.

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I learned you should never go to bed angry; but, going to couch angry is usually acceptable to both partners.

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I learned that a relationship can only work if you give yourself utterly and completely so you can get whole thing over with.

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26 thoughts on “What I Learned From Being in a Long-Term Relationship

      1. hahha so exact, and it may seem well researched but clearly flawed.
        For instance, by the time you have 12 ONS, you are way deep into a relationship, assuming they are not consecutive nights. and if they are, they cease to be ONS.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. For me is 3 weeks long term relationship! In three weeks you will learn their bad qualities. They start chuckling that YOU should do everything you did before you ended up in a relationship! What should you have in your relationship if your partner does not do everything you did when you were yourself?πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

    Liked by 1 person

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