A female goat is called a “nanny”. A young attractive female goat is called an “au pair”…
Studies show that left-handed people die earlier, on average, than right-handed people. The primary reason for this is that left-handed people don’t live as long.
Dance is just your soul trying to express itself by crushing someone else’s foot.
The first four times I pointed out my wife’s stretch-marks, she was okay with it; but, the fifth time I did it, she flew off the handle like some kind of a nut. I blame numerology.
Her: “I hate when you contradict me. I’ll bet the next thing you say will contradict me, right?”
I ordered a book on handwriting analysis. When it arrived by post, I had to sign for it. The deliverer looked down at my signature and told me I would never finish the book because I don’t close the top of my ‘o’s.
I’d really like to live in a color-blind society so I wouldn’t have to worry about my socks matching.
I used to wear my mom’s stockings over my head so I’d understand what it is like to be a leg.
If you live by the sword, you die by the sword. If you live by a Taco Bell, you die of morbid obesity.
If you are a bike courier, then every job that ISN’T bike courier is a promotion…