Take a lot of blood pressure medicine before your appointment. That way, when the blood technician tries to get a sample, it will take forty five minutes.
Try to talk the doctor into prescribing heroin.
Let everyone go ahead of you until the very end of the day, then, when they call you to come in, say, “Well, it’s about TIME”
Try to get the receptionist to accept an insurance card that you drew up in the waiting room…
Threaten to talk your clothes off if they don’t take ten pounds of off your weight.
Take your clothes off anyway.
Ask for any free samples of suture they can do without.
Talk to the people around you in the waiting room. Ask them what their medical issue is and tell them that your uncle died of that. Then, take your clothes off.
Take throat swabs of any sick children in the waiting room. When the staff catches you and asks what you are doing, exclaim, “You’ll find out!” and flee the office.
Tell any mothers nearby that you are there to get a vaccination; when you leave the doctor’s office, come out with a facial tic and shriek, “I’m blind!”