Things I Hate that are Blue

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Smurfs: Frank Herbert in the science-fiction series, Dune, invented an entire culture and vocabulary. Anthony Burgess created an entire language in A Clockwork Orange. The Smurfs simply replaced random nouns, verbs and adjectives with the word “smurf”. That is really smurfed up…

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The Sky: Tornadoes, hail, lightening, comets… just some of the many gifts we get from the sky. That’s why we created roofs: To get the HELL away from the sky.

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Blue Moons: All it is is the second full moon in a month. Quite the let-down if you are expecting something more impressive. It’s like getting socks for Christmas, then someone taking away those socks and giving you a mint, instead.

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The Strangled: Blue in the face, swollen tongues lolling out of the mouth… it has become painfully obvious to me that the Smurfs are simply the souls of the self-asphyxiated…

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The Ocean: If the sky doesn’t get you, watch out! The ocean will serve you up a dish of tidal waves, sharks and Godzilla. That’s why people live in Missouri… to get away from the ocean; in fact, that is the ONLY reason to live in Missouri…

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Ink: Blue ink is the ink of dorks. When you use a pen with blue ink, people assume you got the pen for free by snapping that little chain at the bank. Using ink that is blue is the equivalent of wearing a tuxedo with clown shoes.

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Care Bear: Grumpy Bear tells kids that sometimes it is okay to be grumpy… because, children are known for stoically accepting disappointment without a peep…

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Blue Meanies: From the Beatles’ Yellow Submarine. They were vicious, shrill and frankly, poorly animated. They hated Pepperland because of its music, although I can understand that because, if my neighbor doesn’t stop playing dance music next door, I’m going to send some top-hatted giants over to drop apples on his head.

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Blue Cheese: Blue Cheese is like regular cheese except that it has been reclaimed by bacteria. I strongly suspect that it would taste exactly the same WITHOUT the mold and that it is an international practical joke that the world plays on Americans. Besides, it seems like a mean prank to play on the bacteria. There is an unspoken agreement that we won’t eat them on purpose.

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Blue Jays: If I wanted to listen to a screeching obnoxious pushy creature, I’d just talk to my ex-wife… who is also a blue jay.

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16 thoughts on “Things I Hate that are Blue

  1. Whenever the kids tell me they hate something I use the same joke just to drive them crazy. Call it my schtick if you will, “Ring! Ring! Hello? Oh, HI Blue. Oh, yes. Masercot is here too. Oh, you want me to tell him what? You don’t like him either? Oh really? He did. Ooooo. Okay. Well, I’ll tell him. Thanks for calling, Blue! Bye!” It’s really Smurfy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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