I went to a dueling piano bar and got to see one man kill another with a Steinway…
Curiosity killed the cat… despite the presence of my fingerprints an DNA at the scene. You can look into it further if you like, but you know what happened to that nosy cat…
Gynophobia is the irrational fear of women… as if fear of women is ever irrational…
I was told it would be a bad idea to mention my impulse control disorder but I did it anyway.
I think we need MORE space debris. A ring around our planet would encourage a lot more tourism…
A researcher at the University of Minnesota put 3-D glasses on a crayfish recently, and recorded their reactions to 3-D movies. And, here I’ve just been eating them when I could’ve been taking them to the local cinema…
Check carefully: You’ll find there is no mesh mentioned in the story of Gilgamesh.
I decided to try speed dating and I met what I thought was the perfect woman. We were married fifteen minutes later and divorced thirty minutes after that. We’re still deciding who gets custody of the children…
My father didn’t want me to get involved with drugs because it might turn me into a drug-fiend jazz musician; oddly enough, that is precisely the reason I got involved with drugs…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
You should have seen me at work today. I yelled so loudly at my boss he hid in his office.
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Did he make fun of Vin Deisel?
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No he didn’t pack the dishwater
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Then, he’s worse than Hitler!
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Crayfish make excellent cinema viewing partners. Unless you get popcorn…. all those legs will empty your bucket in no time flat.
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Plus, people might think you are going out with a lobster which would make you look WEIRD…
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That’s some fast speed-dating!
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Well, we had a good life together…
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😀
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Taking the cat warning seriously. It was DEFINITELY curiosity’s fault!
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Too bad curiosity had an air tight alibi. It was watching a movie with Passing Interest and Outright Apathy. Adam Sandler movie, of course…
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Lol!
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I can hear your laugh from here, Doree…
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😄
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