In my will, I made Frankenberry my sole beneficiary.
I bought two lots at Landfill View Estates.
I have a member of the Nigerian royal family sleeping on my couch until the banks open on Monday.
I had cosmetic surgery done to my penis to make it look more like John Malkovich.
I convinced my boss to pay me in saltines.
I buy expired lottery tickets then wait for the value to go up before I resell them.
The woman next to me on the bus mentioned that she loved John Malkovich; so…
I replaced all my fire extinguishers with Slip-and-Slides.
I go to the cooking college next door for my blow-fish sushi.
I deep-fry my socks on cold winter mornings.
I use my pin number as my nickname so I don’t forget it.
I made a track suit out of sanitary napkins and disposable diapers so, when it rains, I REALLY get a workout.
Due to a typographical error, I got a risqué dog from the pound. He’s just as good as a rescue dog and his penis looks like John Malkovich.
I fed my pet bacteria antibiotics, then went to the nearest police station and confessed.