I Go Catty: Some Theories on Melania Trump

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She is a ventriloquist and must always be within arm’s length of the hole in Trump’s back.

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She is a sex-doll brought to life by a fairy. She will become a real girl after she performs a selfless grand task. We’ll keep you posted.

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Melania Trump speaks no English and precious little Russian.

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She ended up with Donald Trump when they were pairing fashion models up with billionaires and she’d left the room to use the bathroom.

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A second theory as to why she ended up with Donald Trump involves a bet with Satan and a fiddle contest.

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She has no uterus. Melania Trump reproduces by firing her spores into a dish of beluga caviar.

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She wears that blank expression because her memory is wiped once a week to alleviate the trauma associated with waking up next to Donald Trump.

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She prefers black men and since orange is the new black, she was strongly attracted to Donald Trump.

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Scientists know that Melania Trump’s neck will one day fracture under the weight of her false eyelashes.

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Melania Trump supported the International Red Cross; however, Mrs. Trump’s enthusiasm for the Red Cross dwindled when she found out that no one was going to set fire to that cross.

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26 thoughts on “I Go Catty: Some Theories on Melania Trump

  1. Orange is the new Black explains a lot.
    The only logical explanation I can find is Trump said he would destroy the prenup if she stays with him while he’s in office. You can tell there’s no affection there. Though I’m sorry, no amount money is worth that!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No one thinks about Melanie because it’s too difficult thinking about Trump himself. And republicans can’t think about a porn queen as first lady after years of hurling insults at Michelle for wearing dresses that showed her arms. The hypocrisy is too deep to deal with. Gimme the blue pill and stick me back in the Matrix please. Make me somebody important.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I tend to not enjoy lampooning specific people, but all my sympathy for her vanished when she wore that coat to the border facility. And, y’know, when she went to the border and did nothing about it after.

    (Well done on that last one, by the way.)

    Liked by 1 person

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