Malt liquor is simply beer with a high alcohol content that tastes like a decayed body in a swamp…
It is customary, when drinking “forties” with friends, to pour a little onto the ground for friends who have died. If none of your friends have died, take heart… drinking malt liquor should kill one or two of them within a year or so.
If you consume malt liquor while pregnant, your child will automatically be a member of a street gang.
Malt liquor may have a high alcohol content, but it cannot make you do anything you wouldn’t do sober; however, it might make you do that thing naked and with a handgun.
Malt liquor is specifically marketed to African-American and Hispanic youth because the courts won’t let corporations kill them outright.
The first malt liquor to be brewed in the United States was Clix Malt Liquor. It was brewed in Minneapolis, Minnesota specifically to help people forget that they were living in Minneapolis, Minnesota…
Schlitz Malt Liquor’s most famous ad campaign was that of a bull violently destroying everything around it… naked and with a handgun.
Billy Dee Williams has been the spokesperson for Colt 45 Malt Liquor for decades. He was chosen for his sophisticated air, because that is how its consumers feel they look when they are pistol-whipping a tree.
Champale, a carbonated malt liquor, is perfect for any wedding where the bride’s water can break at any moment.
Malt liquor is often referred to as “high gravity lager” because of the inevitability of the drinker ending up face-down on the sidewalk…