Terse Llama’s Second Covid Advice Page

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Dear Terse Llama,

Just after the “stay-at-home order”, my wife issued a “now do all the chores you’ve been avoiding order”. I’ve carefully weighed out my options and I think a one in twenty chance of dying by suffocation would be far less unpleasant than trimming the hedges in my front and side yard. Can you think of anything that might help me?

Lazy in Tallahassee

Dear Tall,

Perspective.

Dear Terse Llama,

I’m eighty and extremely worried about Covid; but, my two grandsons assured me that it is not a problem. Then, they took me to a Donald Trump rally and out to dinner at a crowded restaurant. Afterwards, they took turns spitting directly into my mouth. Should I tell them that I changed my will and will be giving all my money to charity?

Elderly in Elmont

Dear Elderly,

No, don’t do that. When they read your will, your grandsons might get rich anyway because the looks on their faces will be PRICELESS.

Dear Terse Llama,

I hear that there will be a vaccine for Covid 19 around the beginning of next year. I hate vaccines because they cause babies to be born blind and spread cholera and give dogs diarrhea… Should I swallow my fears and get the vaccine?

Sacramento Scared

Dear Scared,

I think that any adult, to avoid coronavirus, could handle the brief discomfort of a three inch hypodermic needle plunged directly into their eye…

Dear Terse Llama,

My neighbor says that the coronavirus is a hoax and that scientists are not only wrong, they are part of a conspiracy that involves high taxes and forcing people to speak Italian. I used to believe in science, but now I am unsure because everyone is entitled to their opinions and science is just opinion backed with evidence. Who do I believe?

Confused in St. Paul

Dear Paul,

Well, science has been around since Descartes and his invention of the “scientific method”. Ignorance has been around since the dawn of man. As a classical thinker, then, you should go with the route that allows you smoke and cough in people’s faces.

18 thoughts on “Terse Llama’s Second Covid Advice Page

  1. Such a wise llama. I definitely think he could help solve today’s problems. I mean, if Kanye can run for the big office, why can’t terse llama? A definite shoo-in, if you ask me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Lazy: A pillow would help. No it won’t help you – but it’ll help your wife. Just whose side do you think I’m on?

    Dear Elderly: I’m changing my name to Charity. Can I have an advance on that payout?

    Dear Scared: a spoonful of sugar helps the fears go down.
    Hmmm… looks like you’re gonna need a bigger spoon.

    Dear Paul: science has been around for quite some time, but people have been around for much longer. In fact people invented science. You do what you think is right for you. In fact why not just invent a form of science where everybody wins?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Are you laughing WITH me, or AT me?

        Oh – who am I kidding? You’re laughing at something totally unrelated to the price of tea in China. *which btw, is pretty expensive.

        Liked by 1 person

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