FAQs about Saturn

How did Saturn get its name? Someone named it.

No, seriously… where did the name “Saturn” come from? Saturn was the father of the Olympian gods, most known for eating his own children… a direct result of his being on the Atkins Diet.

How big are Saturn’s rings? About a quarter million miles in diameter but the thickness is barely the length of a football field. That’s why Saturn’s rings will never have their own football team… because where would they play? Uranus? That’s a whole ‘nother joke, pal…

How many moons does Saturn have? Eighty-two moons, a few moonlets, some pseudo-moons, a few wannbe moons and some comets, pretending to be moons.

What is the temperature on Saturn? Well, at the cloud-level, it is around three hundred degrees below zero. As you approach its core, it reaches temperatures hotter than the Sun. So, somewhere along the way, there are Earth-like temperatures you could enjoy as the atmospheric pressure forces your brain out through your eyes.

What is Saturn made out of? Mostly, hydrogen and helium with a rocky core of nickel and iron. This is helpful information for scientists and for people who want to make their own Saturn from scratch.

I hear that Saturn’s moon Titan is larger than Mercury… is this true? How the hell do I know what you heard?

Why do only fifty-three of Saturn’s moons have official names? They ran out of mythological names so astronomers got liquored up and started naming them after strippers. When the general public found out about Chesty-Morgan, there was such an uproar that several of the scientists left the field of astronomy and got real jobs…

What is the best time to view Saturn through a telescope? Night time.

Who first discovered Saturn’s rings? Galileo, in 1610. He pointed his telescope at the heavens trying to find a cure for cholera and, instead, saw that Saturn had rings. There is still no cure for cholera; however, I think it is unfair to blame Saturn.