Sage Thinks, Man Blinks, Love Stinks

Hold tightly to the one you love. When they stop kicking, stash the body somewhere and find another victim.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Being deeply loved by someone who has bad judgment gives you herpes.

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You need nothing more than to be loved because you can leverage that love to get whatever you want.

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If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. If you only live to be thirty, I’ll just have to find a way to get over your death…

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We loved with a love that was more than love. Sadly, she drove through the mountains in a car whose brakes were less than brakes…

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If I know what love is, it is because of you. If I know what the capital of Paraguay is, it is because Ms. Johnson, my high school geography teacher.

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I love you for all that you are, all that you have been and all that you’re yet to be… but, fart in bed one more time and I’m leaving you…

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I loved you yesterday, I love you still. I always have, and I always will… When sex becomes difficult, I’ll take a pill.

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My mind thinks of you the second I fall asleep and as soon as I wake up each morning… but, come eleven thirty, all I can think about is a bacon cheeseburger.

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The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love… but if that lump on your neck gets any bigger, I’d see a doctor…

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The best proof of love is trust… the worst proof of love is a stabbing…

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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own… in that way it is like managing a hotel or waiting tables…