On the Five Basic Forces of Nature

People say that there is no gravity… just matter following the curvatures of space/time; but, you never hear a guy who is clinging to a ledge a hundred feet over the pavement say, “Help me! I’m about to follow the curvature of space/time”

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The same electrical forces that power the taser that brings down the belligerent drunk is the same force that created the nitrogen and amino acids that helped create him in the first place. But, that kind of irony is lost on drunks.

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“Strong Nuclear Force” is what holds atoms together. Without it, protons and neutrons would fly apart and they’d start living with electrons and quarks like a bunch of hippies.

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Gravity can bend light rays and create an effect known as gravitational lensing. Using gravitational lensing, astronomers can see objects they couldn’t with just a telescope: Faraway stars and galaxies and other objects that have literally no impact on our lives.

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“Weak Nuclear Force” is the force that causes subatomic particles to decay. So, keep your subatomic particles in ziplock bags if you don’t want a refrigerator full of neutrinos and quarks.

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Some people think that love is the greatest force of nature but scientists have determined that the greatest force of nature is, in fact, disdain, followed by mild interest and that pain you get in your chest when you eat ice cream too fast.

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The fifth official force of nature is the Higgs Force, which has never been observed. Physicists associate this theoretical force with the recently discovered Higgs Boson. It produces an attractive force between the electron and the nucleus AND, if you add water, it makes its own gravy.

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Gravity ages our bodies horribly. If there was no gravity, we’d stay younger longer; also, if someone pissed you off, you could grab them and throw them into the Sun…

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Most mechanical devices work off of electromagnetism. But, lightning tends to strike Electroluxes more than any other household machinery because nature hates a vacuum.

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Most of these basic forces scientists cannot really explain on a quantum level. Stephen Hawking once thought he could explain Strong Nuclear Force but it turned out that someone had left a rubber joke hydrogen atom on his desk as a prank…