Safety Tips for Heat Waves

Posted on by masercot

How to Handle Really Hot Weather

If it is a hot day, be sure to drink enough water. How do you know how much is enough? How much did you drink? Nope, that’s not enough.

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Monitor your older relatives for signs of heat stroke. Signs include lack of perspiration, high pulse rate and confusion. If the person staggering around dazed is a wealthy relative, hand them their check book and tell them that you are the president of Earth and he owes you rent money.

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Take cold showers to bring down your temperature and to temporarily reduce the length of your penis to one-sixtieth its normal size.

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Never leave children unattended in a hot car unless they’ve wronged you horribly by tricking you into writing them a check while you were having a heat stroke.

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Wear breathable clothing. That way, even if the heat kills you, your breathing clothes will trick others into thinking you are still alive.

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Using your stove or oven with just make your house hotter. If you have to fry an egg, use the sidewalk.

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If you have air conditioning, use it. If you waited for me to tell you that, you’re probably handing a check to your niece right about now.

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Use copious amounts of sunscreen over your entire body. I’m not sure it will help you, but it IS one of my fetishes. I think it’s the coconut smell…

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Don’t use alcohol to stay cool. Use alcohol to get drunk… you’ll cool off when you stagger into the pool.

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Avoid throwing a tennis ball for your bulldog, mastiff, boxer or any other dog with jowls. Why? You’ll know when it happens…

15 thoughts on “Safety Tips for Heat Waves”

  6. Pingback: Safety Tips for Heat Waves — Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes | Vermont Folk Troth

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Published by masercot