‘C’ is for cience

Corn Smut of Corn | University of Maryland Extension

Chimera: This is a term paleontologists use to describe a set of fossils from different animals that have been pieced together erroneously. For example: The Archaeoraptor found in China was thought to be missing link between birds and dinosaurs. Researchers claimed that it was, for the most part, a dinosaur, except for its habit of crapping on car windshields. It turned out to be invented, made up… like Santa Claus or professional ethics…

Chromium: Chromium is an element, mostly used as an additive to steel. It lends a shine to a handgun that you’d be proud to be shot with. And, it resists tarnishing… but only for a while. Chromium is SUCH a FLIRT.

Chi: In mechanical engineering, Chi(Х) is the symbol for relative buckling loads, which are the maximum weights on structures before the building collapses and your World’s Tallest Building becomes the World’s Longest Wreckage. Note: Mechanical Engineers are not real engineers. Technically, they are HVAC technicians who know a lot of math.

Corn Smut: Yes, it sounds like an erotic farmer’s magazine; but, it is an edible fungus. It is eaten in Mexico and they only eat the finest insects and blight. Yes, it is tasty, but it looks like something you’d scrap off of a rhinoceros’ back.

Ceres: The only dwarf planet in the asteroid belt if you don’t count Sneezy and Doc. Ceres is too small to be a planet, but it is too large to be a basketball. To give you an idea of scale: If the Earth were the size of a nickel, Ceres would be the size of a poppy seed; but, if the Earth were the size of a nickel, we’d have other things to worry about… like… WHERE WILL WE KEEP OUR NICKELS???

Coping Mechanism: Psychiatrist-speak for what keeps us from buying a scoped rifle and finding a bell-tower somewhere. Little actions or rituals that trick us into thinking that everything is going to be just fine. For me, it’s either holding my knees to my chest and crying, or hitting random strangers with ripe peaches. More conventionally, exercise and meditation are two of the best coping mechanisms that you’ll ever put off doing.

16 thoughts on “‘C’ is for cience

      1. Half-legit. I start with a truth and then embellish. Like telling the wife that you were late because he had car trouble but ignoring that the car trouble was getting a transvestite hooker out of your backseat…


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