Avoid looking nostalgic.
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There is a time and a place to fake amnesia. If your wife catches you in bed with another woman, fake a stroke. If you get caught shoplifting, fake a heart attack. If you lose your children’s college money in Atlantic City, fake amnesia.
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Someone who has seen WAY too many cartoons might hit you over the head to bring your memory back.
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When you get home, pretend you don’t know where the bathroom is, despite it being the only room in the house with a toilet.
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Faking amnesia is a great excuse for forgetting your spouse’s birthday… although, if he or she is particularly sensitive and volatile, you might have to fake a heart attack as well…
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To make your pretend amnesia more believable, develop characteristics you didn’t have before… like making up ailments to distract from your complete lack of ethics… and maybe a German accent.
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It’s okay to forget the names of your spouse, children and pet, but, if you have to pretend to forget about basic hygiene, like what a toothbrush is for, you may have won a pyrrhic victory.
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Fake amnesia allows you to reinvent yourself. Before, you were a working-class schlub who no one noticed; after faking a traumatic brain event, you can make yourself into an habitual liar that no one notices.
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You may slip up. If you do, add the phrase, “Whatever THAT is” to whatever you just said.
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When you’re “cured”, don’t get better all at once. First, recognize the people that you actually like; then, recognize the ones you can tolerate; your mother-in-law, you can call “Fred” for the rest of her life.
This sounds like a manual to be given to the groom at his wedding 😁
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I call it, “a public service”…
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You would 😃. I got one of my poems accepted yesterday
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Excellent, Deb! Is it on paper or electronic media?
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What is this? Who are you? What am I doing here?
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I am Charlie… whoever THAT is.
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Good advice, all. I’m working on my temporary IRS amnesia. Strangely it gets worse every April…
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I fake it so I can pretend not to remember unimportant details. Turns out, all details are unimportant. I take a lesson from my cat: where’s the food, my bed? That’s about all that’s really really important. btw, drop by my new post where I discuss weighty subjects of the world with my crew…
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You have a new post? I am so there…
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Thanks!!
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I thought you were faking amnesia about my existence…
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No… new job and very busy. But, I didn’t delete your email notice… just hadn’t gotten there, yet.
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I call everybody Sam. Works just as well as Fred and keeps them wondering, especially when I forget to wear clothes.
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Why can’t you leave Fred alone?
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I got the idea watching Three’s Company… but who wants to call everyone “Jack”…?
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