What I Learned from 20 Years of Marriage

Your Family Can Be Happy | Happy Family

[Sorry. I’m working on some longer pieces, this week…]

When assembling bookcases and other furniture, send the family away for the weekend… unless you want your children to learn how to swear.

Nothing enchants a two-year-old like the sound of pages being torn out of my favorite book.

If your spouse is in the mood for an argument, agreeing with everything she says only makes things worse.

God made mothers-in-law to keep your self-esteem at manageable levels.

When you have toddlers, only purchase a breed of dog that doesn’t mind having his eye-balls grabbed.

After your second child, get the vasectomy that you should’ve gotten after your first child.

Your children don’t figure out how much you suck until well into their teens… despite your spouse’s reminding them over and over.

You never thought you’d ever end up sitting on another adult and punching that person until all that was left was bloody pulp and teeth; but, then you started attending your child’s soccer games.

If there is anything more fun than taking your boys to an eight hour thrash metal concert, I haven’t heard about it; but, that might be because of the deafness…

After a while, your spouse isn’t the same person you married. And, she NEVER changes into the kind of person who is hotter and is turned on by fat bald guys.

20 thoughts on “What I Learned from 20 Years of Marriage

  1. “After a while, your spouse isn’t the same person you married.” You mean, my particular wife actually WASN’T pretending to be someone else in the early years so I’d marry her and provide her with the house, kids, all that stuff? Say it isn’t so…’cause that was the only explanation I could come up with…

    Liked by 1 person

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