Swell Quartet

Obsessive-compulsive Disorder is an effort to keep things exactly the way they are by repeating the same acts over and over. It’s completely logical. There is only one reality where everything is just the way you like it and an infinite number of realities where it isn’t. Sadly, OCD doesn’t help because of chaos theory where even the smallest difference can change things greatly. It’s like the difference between saying to your wife, “Those jeans don’t make you look fat” and “Those jeans don’t make you look fat?”. One little question mark and things get out of hand REAL QUICK. It’s like going back to the time of the dinosaurs and stepping on a butterfly, only to return to the present and find the world EXACTLY THE SAME… except butterflies avoid you just a little. But, it’s their loss because you are a swell guy…

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Fascism isn’t such a bad form of government. Getting rid of elections every two years and the drama associated with them allows you to concentrate on more important things; such as, not blurting out anything that might cause your children to report you to the authorities. And, tunneling, of course. Fascism has been the largest contributor to the science of tunnel-digging since the U. N. revoked their bounty on gophers. And, isn’t tunneling just flying at an extremely low altitude? And, the trains run on time… or at least it’s illegal to notice when they don’t… which is just as good. So, when you get home late, you have to tell your family, “Sorry I’m less on-time but but my train was less early than I normally like”. Your children write something in their little secret notebooks because, LITERACY!!! Yeah, the secret police will be coming for you soon, thanks to your kids. But, it’s their loss because you are a swell guy…

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I think heroin gets a bad rap. It’s like sitting at the bottom of a well: Both help you focus; and, with both you get a clear sense of what you’ll be doing for the foreseeable future. With heroin, you’ll be trying to get more heroin to feed your addiction. If you are at the bottom of a well, I assume you’ll be trying to get out; in fact, heroin is better than being at the bottom of a well because you don’t have to worry about a random bucket falling on your head. Better than heroin are wholesome things like pulling taffy and shooting that crow that’s been taking your clothespins. Wholesome activities are better than drugs because no one ever finds someone dead in an alley after a church choir transaction gone bad. Even better than wholesome activities is to live in the moment. I lived in the moment right up until the bank foreclosed on it and they made me leave. When this happens, find a different moment to live in right away, hopefully one with running water. If someone is already living in that moment, try not to crowd them. There might be conflict and they might not even want to interact with you. But, it’s their loss because you are a swell guy…

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I found a dead clown in my backyard a few days ago. Actually, he wasn’t entirely in my backyard; he kind of fell over the property line between my yard and my neighbor’s. But, I didn’t feel like getting into an ownership battle over it, so I slogged him completely into my own yard before anyone saw. Immediately, I got what is known as “dragger’s remorse”. I was expecting him, when I turned him over, to look like Heath Ledger; but, he looked more like Peter Ustinov. I thought it likely that his clown family might be concerned about where he was so I checked his makeup. Every clown has to register his makeup. But, his makeup design was registered to a different clown who was alive and well and living in a sewer in Maine. Then, I noticed that he wasn’t even all the same clown. He’d been created from a bunch of different clowns and then repainted and sold on the black market. If you want to ensure that you don’t get a faux clown, you might want to check the DNA in several different spots to make sure they match. A true professional clown wouldn’t mind. The clown industry wouldn’t like it, though; and, you don’t want to go up against big clown… they control the media, if Tucker Carlson is any indication. They could turn much of the world against you just for asking questions. You’d be isolated from the world. But, it’s their loss because you are a swell guy…