NOTE TO SELF: Quit using shampoos with the instructions, “Lather, rinse, regret”…
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NOTE TO SELF: Remember to tell uncle that replacing the “N-word” with “negro gentleman” doesn’t make his joke about the porter and the traveling salesman any easier to listen to.
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NOTE TO SELF: Return dog to shelter and get one that matches my new carpet.
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NOTE TO SELF: No more pieces on puppets because people are starting to suspect things about me that I’ve tried very hard to hide.
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NOTE TO SELF: You deserve love; however, you don’t deserve kindness so DON’T GET GREEDY.
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NOTE TO SELF: Before accepting any new job, meet your new supervisor and check for the presence of a soul.
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NOTE TO SELF: If you do something stupid like borrow money from a mobster, don’t beat yourself up about it. The mobster will handle that.
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NOTE TO SELF: Your new handlebar mustache is starting to attract the wrong kind of people.
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NOTE TO SELF: You are unstoppable! Which is why you knocked that toddler down at the mall the other day.
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NOTE TO SELF: Next time you eat something on a dare, make sure it isn’t smoldering…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Love it Charles, especially the dog matching the carpet 😂
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It’s still the only reason to get a Dalmatian…
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They’re not my favourite dog 🐩
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Color coordinating pets are all the rage this season. It’s why the plaid pit bulls never get adopted.
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A lot of people dye their dogs but I’m a purist…
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That’s funny. I used to have cats that matched my furniture.
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But, you probably cheated and reupholstered the cats, right?
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QUESTION: Do you really want a dog that matches your new carpet, or a dog whose POOP matches your new carpet? 😉
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Doesn’t the poop depend on its diet?
On another note, I think you are one of the few to appreciate this: I’ve got a great William Powell/Ginger Rogers movie queued up for tomorrow. It’s taking all my will to keep from watching it, tonight…
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The matching pet? Not a good idea. We had a dog that blended in with the rug so well, we were always tripping over the poor little guy. It got to the point where he’d see me coming, jump up, and get out of the way.
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Yeah, but if you step on its tail enough times, you can tell everyone that your dog is actually a beaver.
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