Make your turkey a week ahead of time, then eat it and tell everyone Thanksgiving is canceled.
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Hors d’oeuvres can be made easily and quickly if you have Greek olives, Gryere cheese, crackers and an experienced chef who knows what to do with those things.
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Salad can be made faster if you break the rules and chop the lettuce instead of gently tearing it. It won’t matter because NO ONE IS GOING TO EAT THE SALAD.
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To make your mashed potatoes memorable, add a clove or two of garlic; to make your mashed potatoes REALLY memorable, add a strong laxative.
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If you find you are out of yeast, you can leaven your homemade rolls with a cocktail straw and a LOT of patience.
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It’s easy to find a wine that goes well with a turkey dinner. It’s called, “beer”…
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If you have a patio or deck that you want to burn down, I recommend you deep-fry your turkey.
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Humus is a great addition to your meal for any vegetarian or vegan guests… a perfect prelude for the family farting contest after the Sun goes down.
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You can make your green bean casserole early. Make it a year early and you’ll have something to feed everyone on the previous Thanksgiving.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
I have no idea what thanksgiving is, but suffice to say I don’t want to attend thanks
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Thanksgiving goes back to the early settlers. They and the American Indians had a truce and a great feast. Thanksgiving commemorates that. For some reason, turkey is the preferred meat. They MUST have something like that in Australia, Deb…
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We throw food at the neighbours on New Year’s Eve, or there’s invasion day … oops Australia Day
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I throw food at my neighbors every day so that wouldn’t be much of a celebration…
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Helpful hints, all.
I’ve been wondering what to do with that case of laxative the husband bought during his pandemic hoarding spree. Problem solved!
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And, if it’s Maalox, it adds a delightfully minty flavor!
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“Thanksgiving is a day devoted by persons with inflammatory rheumatism to thanking a loving Father that it is not hydrophobia.” –H. L. Mencken
That’s Mencken for you — always looking on the bright side.
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving!
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You don’t need to be a chef to know what to do with cheese, crackers, and olives—they don’t need any fancy preparation.
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Maybe for you, but I ended up with my cheese and crackers stuffed into the olives…
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That takes talent, my friend.
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