How to Discourage Your Poet

The Disciple - A prose poem by Oscar Wilde - Prose & Poetry

[Thanks to Deb for inadvertently giving me the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!]

Hide their rhyming dictionary.

Avoid inspiring them. Keep them away from clouds, Grecian urns and especially flammable tigers.

Get a doctor’s note. “Sorry sweetheart, but I can’t listen to your poetry, today. Doctor says one more rhyme might kill me”

Keep it a two-way street… bargain: Say, “I’ll listen to your poetry if you’ll let me kill your dog with a hammer”

You can’t read a poem without light. Don’t pay your electric bill. If they start reading to you during the day, interrupt with the news that you saw a Grecian urn out back. This will put him into what psychologists call “ode mode”.

If the poetry is free-verse, pretend you think the poet is just having a conversation with you and interrupt. T. S. Eliot’s wife had great success with this. “Yes, April IS a pretty cruel month. Now, let me tell you about what happened to me at the office today”

Tell them, “The odds of you becoming a successful poet are a thousand to one”. Your poet won’t feel any better but YOU’LL be well on your way to becoming a statistician.

Remember that you can get a ball-gag off of Amazon for less than twelve dollars.

When they try to talk, turn your radio up to eleven. You see, most radios only go up to ten… but MINE goes up to eleven. That’s one louder.

Pretend you cannot see or hear him. He’ll assume he’s fallen into a parallel dimension and then rush off to write a poem about it…

19 thoughts on “How to Discourage Your Poet

  1. Ok, funny but how the hell did I inspire it??? PS you forgot smash a stained glass window over his head, he’ll think inspiration has struck and run off to milk a cow

    Liked by 3 people

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