Steal only cleanser and headcheese so, if you do get caught, you’ve got a jump on that whole insanity defense…
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Claim that you intended to pay for the item but you forgot about it after you stuffed it down your shirt and under your arm.
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Admit the items found on your person were stolen, but claim that you brought other items from home and put them into the store’s inventory.
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Never shoplift anything you cannot swallow as you run to your car. So, NO LAUNDRY DETERGENT…
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If you get caught shoplifting, you can be banned from that store for LIFE. What does that mean? Any time you visit that store, you’ll be trespassing and you don’t want to get caught trespassing… because, if they catch you trespassing, THEY CAN BAN YOU FOR LIFE…
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Shoplifting adds to the expenses of a store or chain of stores and it is the biggest reason given for retail price hikes. If we ended all shoplifting tomorrow, stores would still raise their prices, but they’d have to blame something less tangible… like unmitigated greed…
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Some cultures would chop a hand off of a shoplifter. This was considered mostly a bad thing; however, two shoplifters could go halfsies a single pair of gloves so there was some economic benefit to it…
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A lot of times, security personnel use two-way mirrors to catch shoplifters. These mirrors are barely noticeable because there are plenty of legitimate reasons to have mirrors in your grocery store ten feet above the floor.
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Maybe the problem is kleptomania, the uncontrollable urge to steal. The best way to treat this mental disorder is to replace it with a DIFFERENT mental disorder… like megalomania. You’ll probably still steal things; but, they ALL BELONG TO YOU ANYWAY!!!
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Getting caught shoplifting can ruin your life… unless your family can afford really good lawyers. In that case, pick up some headcheese and cleanser for me…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Spot on with that last one C
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Thanks, Deb. I’ve been seeing that inequity my whole life…
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I expect I’ll be seeing it soon up front and personal
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“If we ended all shoplifting tomorrow, stores would still raise their prices, but they’d have to blame something less tangible… like unmitigated greed…” I really like when you manage to mix the comedic with what’s actually going on in real-life… 👏👏👏👏👏
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Thanks, Patti… just my cynicism leaking out…
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Your timing is perfect. Canada has a BIG problem of too little competition: right now, that is painfully clear as we purchase most of our groceries from just three major store chains. It seems to be getting harder and harder for them to explain themselves to the public, although their lobbyists certainly appear to be doing an admirable job of slowing down any really meaningful conversation (or problem-solving) at the federal level 😔
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Money became more popular than patriotism and we blinked and missed it…
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😕😕😕
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Now I know why Trump claims all those classified documents he stole belong to him anyway: he’s a MEGALOMANIAC….which prompts the question: what’s the difference between a MEGALOMANIAC and a MAGALOMANIAC?
Maybe that’s a topic you could shoplift from my storehouse of awful ideas for your next post.
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I like “magalomaniac”… It describes Trump, Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Horseface to a tee…
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Maybe spell it MAGALOWMANIAC for an even more accurate description..
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I like the replacing store inventory with your own things idea. I could empty my husband’s junk piles that way.
👍
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