Finally! An EPA I Can Get Behind!


I was relieved to see that the EPA is finally learning from its mistakes: Protecting the environment leads to nothing but trouble. Problem is, we’re protecting it and, at the same time, the environment is throwing hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and tidal waves at us. Why are we protecting something that clearly wants us dead? At least, if we fill the ocean up with debris, when the inevitable tidal wave DOES come, we’ll have something to cling to. Florida has the right idea with their state-wide program of throwing household trash beside the road. It acts as a natural barrier to the alligators who might try to attack us. Attack us from where? The environment…


Of course, when we DID try to fight back by releasing carbon and carbon compounds into the air, we were slapped down. People complain that the sun’s UV rays will give us cancer; but, when we try to block out the sun, they complain about that. They whine about a greenhouse effect. Well, where do plants grow best??? IN A GREENHOUSE! And, with the greenhouse effect in full force, we can at least take away the blizzard and the avalanche, which are two of the environment’s many weapons. They also whine about children and old people not being able to leave the house due to the fact that the air is “unbreathable”; however, they fail to note that we don’t really want our children wandering around outside and it was the efforts of the old people that made our environment what it is, today. Responsible childcare and revenge on old people: Just some of the benefits from our friend smog.


I understand that it isn’t just carbon and carbon dioxide that are being released into the environment; there are some poisons. But, anything is a poison if you consume too much of it. Drinking too much water can even kill you. Eating too much sugar, drinking too much liquor or drinking from a well tainted with fracking chemicals can also kill you. So, how do you handle something like this? You eat less sugar, drink less alcohol and abandon your home, because we are a proactive people. And, most of these poisons are things people need in other chemical processes. So, let them take the cyanide out of your water and soil and animals’ blood streams. It’s win/win. Find a use for PCBs and then the problem will take care of itself. And, if it doesn’t, pave over it and put a playground on it. It’s not like children are going to be allowed outside to play on it. Do I have to do all the thinking?


And, the final baba yaga: Nuclear waste. This has got everyone panicking to the point where no one wants a nuclear power plant in their area. It’s unfortunate because nuclear power is cleaner than burning huge bales of plastic and medical waste and it is cheaper than all types of power except the ones currently in use. Where do we store the waste? WHO CARES??? The waste produces radioactivity which causes cells to mutate and THAT is EVOLUTION. We could speed up evolution and maybe become something even better than we are. Something smarter.


Maybe we’ll become a species with an EPA that actually protects the environment…

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