My Deepest Dreads!

[Everyone has fears because everyone is, in fact, a big ol’ baby and we are all laughing at each other.  This is an improvement over killing one another but just barely.  Anyway, I felt that I should open up to the world, bare my soul and maybe show you where the horse bit me…]

I fear that I might die in a nuclear implosion.

I always check my closet for Nazi Viking Ninjas! They loot and they kill and I’m also not comfortable with their politics…

I am deathly afraid that someone will build a Taco Bell within walking distance of my home.

I am afraid that I’ll find a lemon in my kitchen one morning and, when I try to move it, it will say, “Oh, this house is MINE now!”…

I dread speaking in private.

I fear strangers, especially when those strangers are also cobras.

I fear having to waltz at a nudist camp because I won’t know where to put my hands…

I fear the Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor again. Well, actually I just fear the fear that would generate.

I am afraid of someone stealing my identity, then giving it right back because my life is just that awful.

I fear being evicted by a piece of citrus…

I fear that all the animals that I’ve eaten will be waiting for me in the afterlife…

I fear that people will laugh at me because of how often I use the bathroom or how seldom I use the bathroom… NO ONE EVER TOLD ME WHAT WAS NORMAL!!!

I fear closed places… such as a store that has gone out of business.

I fear that someday everyone will know my deepest secret and not one of them will tell me what it is.

I’m afraid that I’ll find out I’ve been working in the wrong building for the last four years and that I have a backlog of work that is a stack of papers twelve feet high…

I fear gypsies and lemons will take up residence in the cab of my pickup truck.

6 thoughts on “My Deepest Dreads!

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