Popular Actors I Cannot Stand

[As most of my friends know, I really like movies. Even the old ones… even before sound. But, some actors, despite their fame, never set right with me. My opinion? So, glad you asked…]

 

Clark Gable: An actor that sounds as if he’s impersonating another actor that I’m not familiar with. I think that I still hold some resentment for his part in the movie Gone with the Wind, which proved that even the American Civil War can be boring of you make a long enough movie. Also, as Gable got older, he tended to look as if were being stung by something.

 

 

Mae West: Because being a fat stupid whore was sexy once, apparently…

 

 

Mickey Rooney: As an adult, he looked like someone glued a child’s head onto a tiny man’s body. As a child, he looked like a horse-creature from the Island of Dr. Moreau. His usual role was a man/boy so optimistic that it bordered on insanity. Got a problem? It can be fixed by means of a musical revue. Black-face, optional…

 

Jean Harlow: She’s just as good an actress as you would expect for someone known primarily for not wearing underwear. When I see her playing a tough blonde, I want to kill all tough blondes… actually, ALL blondes, just to be on the safe side…

 

Barbara Stanwyck: She looks as if someone took features from random people, assembled a face and just grabbed the first wig he could reach. A lot of people really love her and, coincidentally, I feel sorry for a lot of people…

 

James Cagney: Admit it. If you saw James Cagney and had no idea he was an actor, you’d think he was the inbred spawn of two hillbillies who were themselves spawned by circus freaks. His tremor and facial tics do little to dispel the whole “inbred theory”. Sure, he was a good at portraying psychotic violent killers; but, so are psychotic violent killers.

 

Frank Sinatra: As an actor, he was a very good singer. He always seemed as if he were reading cue cards pasted to the forehead of whatever female lead had been suckered into appearing in a scene with him. This is why he’s never referred to as “actor/singer Frank Sinatra”.

 

 

Ann Margret: She knows why… and if it happens again, I’m calling the cops.

 

 

Michelle Rodriguez: If a beautiful woman can be a great actress, the secret to that was never shared with Michelle Rodriguez. If aliens landed on this planet and our destruction or salvation hinged upon a great actress delivering a great performance, I’d have Ms. Rodriguez put in leather restraints, for the duration of the event, to keep her from volunteering…