Another Typical Rant

Image result for magic 8 ball

I hate ambiguity for reasons that are both complicated and vague. Certainly, ambiguity has saved many a marriage, although that is not the reason I hate it. “Does my butt look big in these shorts?” “Darling, those shorts are perfect for your size of butt”. No answer has been given, but the word “perfect” is nestled in there somewhere so problem solved! It’s just that there is a certain ambiguity to the big questions in life… like a Magic Eight Ball that only answers “maybe” and occasionally shrugs. Like “What is the meaning of life?”. Most answers to that question only lead to other questions. There are some specific and nauseating responses like, “The meaning of life is to love each other and take care of each other” usually given by a woman in a tiara. Obviously, that ISN’T the meaning of life; it’s just something crazy people do. If we love each other, we are wasting a million years of aggression and violent outbursts that have been bred into us over the aeons. And, taking care of each other is a socialist tenet that I won’t even grace with a response… except to say that Ayn Rand never took charity, except for those times she did, and she turned out pretty nuts. But, I wouldn’t confuse her with male stripper “Pretty Nuts” who, although he is retired, still shows his testicles to anyone who promises not to call the cops on him. It is definitely a dirty shame that a man’s testicles are considered taboo while someone can vomit in front of a crowd all afternoon and never get arrested. Vomit is full of germs; whereas testicles, after a good scrubbing and a few coats of wax, are pretty hygenic… not to be confused with “Pretty Hygenic”, a stripper whose gimmick was windexing the stripper-poles during her routine. Because stripping can be an ugly and germy thing, especially if the stripper in question has small pox. So, what can we do? We can pasteurize our strippers. Expose them to temperatures of one hundred and sixty-five degrees for fifteen seconds and then, our nation with have the cleanest strippers in the world… maybe even hypoallergenic…

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