Things You Should Never Do With Scissors

Image result for running with scissors

[Your parents told you never to run with scissors; however, they neglected to tell you everything. Is it any wonder that, in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, the scissors can be dispatched with a simple rock? Well, here are some other things you shouldn’t try to do with scissors:]

Never run with scissors.

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Never give scissors even limited power of attorney

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Never confide in scissors. The best you can hope for in return is a cutting remark.

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Don’t watch an Adam Sandler marathon with scissors or anyone else for that matter.

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Don’t take a pair of scissors to a wine tasting. Scissors cannot appreciate fully the smoky fruitiness of a fine Shiraz mostly because they don’t have mouths.

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Don’t bring scissors to your medal of honor ceremony because, when you salute, you’ll put out an eye.

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Don’t take your scissors outside to watch you trim the hedge. Hedge clippers will make it feel inadequate.

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Do not use scissors to create a complicated real estate pyramid scheme. If anything goes wrong, you’ll still be the one to take the fall.

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Don’t smoke dope with scissors. They probably won’t freak out; but, if they do, imagine the damage they could do to your books, hair and important documents…

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Don’t let scissors check you for a hernia because the potential for disaster is ever-present. A doctor will only charge you a nominal fee for an examination; and, sometimes you can get a stranger on the subway to do it for free…

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9 thoughts on “Things You Should Never Do With Scissors

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