Things You Should Never Do With Scissors

Image result for running with scissors

[Your parents told you never to run with scissors; however, they neglected to tell you everything. Is it any wonder that, in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, the scissors can be dispatched with a simple rock? Well, here are some other things you shouldn’t try to do with scissors:]

Never run with scissors.

Related image

Never give scissors even limited power of attorney

Related image

Never confide in scissors. The best you can hope for in return is a cutting remark.

Related image

Don’t watch an Adam Sandler marathon with scissors or anyone else for that matter.

Related image

Don’t take a pair of scissors to a wine tasting. Scissors cannot appreciate fully the smoky fruitiness of a fine Shiraz mostly because they don’t have mouths.

Related image

Don’t bring scissors to your medal of honor ceremony because, when you salute, you’ll put out an eye.

Related image

Don’t take your scissors outside to watch you trim the hedge. Hedge clippers will make it feel inadequate.

Related image

Do not use scissors to create a complicated real estate pyramid scheme. If anything goes wrong, you’ll still be the one to take the fall.

Related image

Don’t smoke dope with scissors. They probably won’t freak out; but, if they do, imagine the damage they could do to your books, hair and important documents…

Related image

Don’t let scissors check you for a hernia because the potential for disaster is ever-present. A doctor will only charge you a nominal fee for an examination; and, sometimes you can get a stranger on the subway to do it for free…

Related image


9 thoughts on “Things You Should Never Do With Scissors

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s