Exercise Tips

Mix it up. If you concentrated on weight training, yesterday; today, concentrate on finding someone to heal the damage to your body from the weight training, yesterday.

Remember to stay hydrated. Drink something before, during and after your exercise routine. Drinking lots of water is essential to good health because it keeps your stomach damp so that it doesn’t dry out and fall off.

While exercising, it might be inspirational to imagine the fat in your body just falling off, or melting off, or burning… or, you could go all out and imagine the fat in your body being systematically tortured to death with razors and fat’s children being buried alive. You sure hate that fat…

Exercise videos are GREAT, although I don’t use them for what they are intended…

Chinese exercise, such as Tai Chi Chuan, can be a low-impact alternative to Western exercise, with the added benefit of looking like a lunatic while you are doing it…

Hot yoga relaxes and detoxifies the body and in no way resembles a practical joke that you are paying someone to play on you twice a week.

You should stretch before exercising. I don’t, personally, because real men don’t stretch before exercising…

To keep your morale up, only weigh yourself after having the flu or food poisoning…

Always challenge yourself. If you lifted a dumbbell twenty times, yesterday; then, lift TWO dumbbells FORTY times, today. Add weight and reps, daily, until death actually seems a viable alternative to what you are putting yourself through.

You COULD replace your car with a bike! On the other hand, you could just do something else that is equally arbitrary and inconvenient…

Exercise with a buddy. It should be someone who isn’t disgusted by how you struggle, turtle-like, on your back while trying to do a sit-up. You probably haven’t met that someone, yet; in fact, he may live on the other side of the world.

Boxing is gaining popularity with the younger urban set because every good exercise plan involves traumatic brain damage.

Riding a unicycle is a great exercise for someone who has accepted the fact that there is no possibility of their ever having a sex life.