Tips to Quit Smoking


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Assure yourself that you CAN quit, as you have done it so many times before.

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Quitting smoking can be stressful. There are many ways to alleviate this stress, but the most effective method is to start smoking again.

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Sometimes, quitting smoking is just a matter of changing habits. Do you smoke on your way to work? Simply quit your job. Do you smoke after sex? Stop having sex… which won’t be hard to pull off after you tell your partner that you quit your job…

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Pressure from other smokers can be intense. One way to avoid this is to stop hanging out in the designated smoking area at your work. And, that coworker that dangles his pack of cigarettes in front of your face and tells you that you’ll NEVER be able to quit?  One solution to that is to punch him in the eye.

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Hold an intervention: This is a therapeutic construct where the smoker’s close friends and family ambush him to inundate him with examples of how his behavior has affected their lives. Because it’s all about THEM, just like everything is. Interventions are effective in breaking bad habits such as the habit of not checking a room for your close friends and relatives before you enter…

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Admit to your creator that you are powerless over cigarettes. This probably won’t help you quit smoking, but God might take enough pity on you to get you a small raise or a great deal on a used Honda Accord.

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Smoking causes low fetal birth-weight. So, to terrify yourself into quitting, keep a photograph of a small baby on your desk at work.

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Convince yourself that smoking is for nerds and losers, like Humphrey Bogart, Yul Brenner and Leonardo DiCaprio…

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Aversion therapy: Every time you pick up a cigarette, give yourself a short, painful but harmless electrical shock. You’ll be off cigarettes in a few weeks; however, you will be addicted to painful but harmless electrical shocks. How do you break THAT addiction? Might I recommend an intervention?

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The children of smokers are more likely to smoke, themselves. By chain argument, the grandchildren of smokers are more likely to smoke; and, you KNOW what that means: YOU’RE GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER… Awww!

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