I know Dr. Vile is Evil Because…

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Attention, People of Earth!

What you see below is a comedic riff. You take an idea and try to riff on it a certain number of times. I choose ten times because that’s how many fingers I have since the surgery. I’m inviting my readers to add their own. You can ping-back my site and use the hashtag #VILEHUMOR, and then—I’m just kidding. I don’t know how to set up that crap. JUST PUT IT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. Any that I feel are as good as mine, I will acknowledge later; any that I feel are better than mine will be cheerfully deleted…

 

I know Dr. Vile is Evil Because…

 

 

 

He takes candy from babies and has that candy forced down the throats of diabetics…

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He published a mystery novel comprised of the last two pages of every best-selling mystery novel published since 1956.

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He put a web cam near his bird bath and uses the footage to maintain an avian voyeur web site…

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You’ve heard of fishing with dynamite? Well, Dr. Vile uses dynamite to harvest saffron…

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He plagiarizes the world domination and destruction schemes of other evil geniuses…

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He disguises himself as a third grade teacher and teaches wrong multiplication tables to children.

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He’s so evil that snakes won’t bite him out of professional courtesy.

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He’s developed a technique to hypnotize puppies so that they believe they’ve been beaten, starved and abused; then, when they cower at seeing him, he can innocently ask, “I wonder what brought THAT on”…

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He poisons city water supplies with prescription drugs so that one to five percent of them have symptoms like rashes, heavy menstrual flows, coma and/or irritability. The other ninety five percent will have to live with the survivor’s guilt as well as having their acne cured…

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You know how every bag of prunes has at least one that tastes like something you dug out of a horse’s ear? Well, he has nothing to do with that; but, he’s done absolutely nothing to stop it, either…

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11 thoughts on “I know Dr. Vile is Evil Because…

    1. The first one comes in strong! BTW, I did that to a previous manager of mine who didn’t touch-type. Sadly, after typing a few words, he knew exactly who did it… He bellowed over the cubicle walls and I had to make things right on his keyboard.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Nothing yet on what to do when life gives you a truckload of rotten cranberries and rusty hypodermic needles… Although that would’ve come in handy a few weeks ago.

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      1. That’s a tough question to respond to. If I say, “yes”, it means it is better than my posts but then it’s gone. If I say “no”, it means I considered it worse than my responses and will therefore keep it.

        So, let’s just say that I’m issuing a position paper on this topic very soon which will be well researched with excellent citations and will ultimately not take a stand one way or another.

        I hope that answers your question, Deb…

        Like

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