Things You Don’t Know About Me

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My skin has a delightful lemony scent.  I’ve been told that my dandruff can be substituted for almond extract in just about any recipe.

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I just cannot decide if Mothra is the worst movie monster ever or just very nuanced.

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I’ve always silently resented people who cannot read my mind.

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Sometimes, when no one is around, I put the television remote in my mouth and try to change my thoughts.

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I’ve always felt that, if I had a swimmer’s body, I’d have to keep it in my freezer until I found a way to sneak it out of my house.

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I try to let people know that I know that I’m balding so that they don’t make the assumption that I look like I do because I’m clueless.

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Despite the grilling, I never admitted to my parents that I flushed an apple down the toilet.  Normally, I was an honest kid but there were rumors that they were interviewing other children from my job as oldest sibling.

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I don’t see the harm in telling you that I get really paranoid from time to time. I’ll start getting really nervous about it later, though.

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My hands are uninteresting…. But my feet are classically beautiful.

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I tell people I cannot swim but that is mostly for liability purposes… plus, I’m really lazy.

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I have a tattoo but it is the same color as my flesh so no one can see it. The only reason I know it is there is because I remember having it done…and the hepatitis. FYI, it’s a unicorn.

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At bedtime, I will solve Sudokus until I run out of the puzzles or someone knocks me unconscious.

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19 thoughts on “Things You Don’t Know About Me

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