Is Salma Hayek a Werebear?

Hayekwerebear

[In my effort to bring you hard hitting articles on conspiracies that hide just beneath the surface of our lives, I bring you this one:  Does Salma Hayek turn into a brown bear when the moon is full?  Truth is stranger than fiction]

Salma Hayek is five foot two; but, when she stands on her back legs she can be up to eight feet tall.

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A bear, in its natural environment, is at the top of the food chain. To date, no animal has eaten Salma Hayek, either.

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Salma Hayek showed up for filming Once Upon a Time in Mexico visibly thinner than she’d been in Desperado. Some theorize that she’d been hibernating the previous winter.

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For the movie, Savages, Salma Hayek was paid in honey.

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For relaxation, during the filming of Spy Kids, Salma Hayek would casually swat salmon out of a nearby river.

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She’s never mauled anyone, but doesn’t she look as if she’s about to?

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As a rule, werebears cannot attain human form again until they have tasted the blood of a human; however, Salma Hayek is a marketable and popular celebrity who doesn’t have to follow the same rules as everyone else.

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Hayek married businessman Francois-Henri Pinault who was president of Artemis, a holding company. In Greek myth, Artemis was the huntress. What did she hunt? Bears! Do I have to do ALL the thinking???

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Like a bear, Salma Hayek can be taught to ride a unicycle and dance for thrown coins.

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The reason Hollywood hides this terrifying truth is because the lie is even MORE horrifying, whatever that means.

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12 thoughts on “Is Salma Hayek a Werebear?

  1. Salma is one of my avatars. She plays versions of me on the silver screen. I don’t know what she participates in when she’s not acting out a dramatised part of my life. But… my husband is a bear. So, it makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

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