Things I am Grateful For

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I’m thankful that I don’t have a neck because it keeps people from inviting me to tennis matches.

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I’m thankful for the food I eat, the water I drink and the motel towels that I steal…

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I’m grateful for my children and promise to be even more grateful should one of them become a billionaire.

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I’m grateful for my health because it evokes a LOT of sympathy.

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I’m thankful for circus clowns because children’s nightmares can’t just form spontaneously.

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I’m thankful for Space Force and all their work protecting us from Space Godzilla and Giddorah.

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I’m grateful for rhinoceros poachers because I can never find a pot big enough.

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I’m grateful for fad diets because, without them, I’d never have learned what it is like to eat nothing but boiled shrimp and chocolate chips for an entire month.

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I’m thankful for hurricane-force winds because they will help me realize my ambition of flying a kite in the ionosphere.

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I’m grateful for tetanus because, otherwise, we’d all just be stepping on nails like there’s no tomorrow…

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10 thoughts on “Things I am Grateful For

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