Weak Threats

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If you don’t tell me what I want to know, I’m going to have my friend, Boris here, punch me in the testicles.

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I’m going to get a lawyer and SUE YOU for .02 percent of everything you own!

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I’m warning you: Stay out of my way or I’m gonna have to veer to the left slightly to get around you.

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If you don’t pay me, I’ll tell your wife that you’ve been having sex with a married woman that looks exactly like her and I have the photographs to prove it.

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I’ve got a good mind to drag your ass out into the parking lot and compliment you on your car.

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Wherever you go and whatever you do, look behind you and I’ll be right there… in spirit, anyway.

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If you quit now, you’ll never work in this cubicle again!

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Nice shop you’ve got here.  It’d be a shame if nothing was to happen to it.

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So, you think you’re smart, eh?  We’ll see how smart you are after you’ve finished this culturally neutral IQ test.

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If I don’t hear from you, these photographs of you making pasta will be in every newspaper that decides they want to print them.

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13 thoughts on “Weak Threats

      1. Thank you, Robyn. I’m trying to get the story into an anthology. They are accepting horror and humor, so I decided to mix the two…

        If that works, I’ll mix historical drama with home improvement to create “You Too Can Make Bookshelves for the Wives of Henry VIII”…


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