If you don’t tell me what I want to know, I’m going to have my friend, Boris here, punch me in the testicles.
I’m going to get a lawyer and SUE YOU for .02 percent of everything you own!
I’m warning you: Stay out of my way or I’m gonna have to veer to the left slightly to get around you.
If you don’t pay me, I’ll tell your wife that you’ve been having sex with a married woman that looks exactly like her and I have the photographs to prove it.
I’ve got a good mind to drag your ass out into the parking lot and compliment you on your car.
Wherever you go and whatever you do, look behind you and I’ll be right there… in spirit, anyway.
If you quit now, you’ll never work in this cubicle again!
Nice shop you’ve got here. It’d be a shame if nothing was to happen to it.
So, you think you’re smart, eh? We’ll see how smart you are after you’ve finished this culturally neutral IQ test.
If I don’t hear from you, these photographs of you making pasta will be in every newspaper that decides they want to print them.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
What about… if your not careful I’ll tell everyone when its your birthday and we’ll have a party with cake and balloons 🎂🎈
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That probably would’ve been better than some of the ones I published…
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Nah, it doesnt ever happen. I never had a bday party ever 😟
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I’ve had two… they were miserable.
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“I’m warning you: Stay out of my way or I’m gonna have to veer to the left slightly to get around you.” Hahaa….fun list!
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Thanks, Robyn. I wasn’t sure on this list but I wrote a two thousand word parody on H. P. Lovecraft this weekend and didn’t have a lot of time left over.
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Sounds interesting! I couldn’t tell – thought your list was funny!
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Thank you, Robyn. I’m trying to get the story into an anthology. They are accepting horror and humor, so I decided to mix the two…
If that works, I’ll mix historical drama with home improvement to create “You Too Can Make Bookshelves for the Wives of Henry VIII”…
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I’m suitably shaken. Culturally neutral IQ test? Oh, the horror.
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What number comes next in this series…?
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Nooooo!
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Great, funny list.
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Thanks, Jack!
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