I Will Sheryl Facts About Crows

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Crows are tool-users. The tools that they use aren’t as complex as the ones we use; on the other hand, they seldom put out an eye or cut off a toe with their tools.

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Crows, by proportion, have brains the size of those of chimpanzees. This means that if a crow were the size of a chimpanzee, its brain would be the size of a chimpanzee’s brain. If the crow was the size of a small planet, his brain would be even larger. Scientists agree that, a crow the size of a medium yellow star would probably suffocate in the vacuum of space.

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Adult crows have black eyes. Juvenile crows have pale blue eyes that are just dreamy and you could gaze into them forever if they didn’t have the smell of dead skunk on their breaths.

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Fledgling crows can eat hundreds of grasshoppers a day. But, if the grasshoppers were the size of chimpanzees, there’d probably be trouble…

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The nesting territory of a rural crow is ten times the size of that of an urban crow; but, the city crow usually gets access to local theater and better schools.

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Zoologists have taken crows and mistreated them to prove that they remembered individual human faces. The theory is that they evolved to remember human faces due to the tendency of zoologists to mistreat them to prove that they remembered human faces.

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Crows will allow ants to climb onto their bodies and eat off the parasites in their feathers. This has been called “anting” by people who shouldn’t be allowed to name stuff.

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A raven is not the same as a crow. Crows caw, but ravens can imitate human voices, foxes, wolves, other birds and chimpanzee-sized grasshoppers…

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A crow can live nearly sixty years in captivity… at least three times longer than its lifespan in the wild. If a domesticated crow were laid end-to-end, it would be the size of three football fields.

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In Japan, crows have been seen dropping nuts on the highway so they could get at the nut-meats after cars drove over them. In the United States, bears have been seen dropping crows on the highway to make them easier to fold.

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24 thoughts on “I Will Sheryl Facts About Crows

  1. Are raven sized chimpazees(work with me here, I lost track of the Ark back in second grade) the result of crows reading grasshopper faces or some egregious unintended consequence of GM crops spreading their seed into the habitats of rural Republicans wanting to breed?
    PS is there anywhere to give money to support crows injured in industrial accidents?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Not many people know this, but rural Republicans only breed once ever seven years in a ceremony called Pomfaar. It is a contest by combat and usually fought with broken beer bottles, tire irons and pickup trucks. Any other time they have sex it is for bonding purposes only and usually with relatives…

      You can send any money you like to the crows care of myself and I’ll make sure that they get it…

      Liked by 3 people

    1. Found this:

      No bird is smarter than the crow

      The others would kill to find out what they know

      Because crows aren’t fools

      They are even capable of using tools

      And, a crow mates for life

      So it doesn’t waste time looking for its second wife.

      Best of all, they eat roadside carrion

      Which is cheaper and faster than buryin’…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “This has been called “anting” by people who shouldn’t be allowed to name stuff.” Cracked me up 🙂 I feed the crows around me. I know they remember and want them to put me on their ‘nice’ list.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Donald Trump just tweeted, “Not to crow, but I love to crow. Just so you know, I crow better than anyone you know.”

    I might add that I live for the day The Donald eats crow, so I can die happy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. If their diet consists of carrion, there could be some agricultural meds that concentrate in the crows. It happened in India to the Egyptian Vulture. Why do I know this? Because I wrote about the Egyptian Vulture…

      Like

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