I Go Dark Again: Thoughts on Death

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I thought that I was dying, once, but my life did NOT flash before my eyes.  Instead, I relived the final season of Three’s Company, which was nice because Priscilla Barnes was just coming into her own, then.

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If I’m ever found dead in a motel room in women’s underwear, I hope to God I’m not wearing “granny panties”.

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If someone doesn’t bother to spell-check their note, I’d call that a pretty sloppy suicide.

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I want to live a life so uneventful that my obituary is just one sentence long and the only verb in that sentence is “died”.

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When it comes to murder/suicide, remember:  It’s murder first… THEN, suicide!

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If tobacco causes heart disease and fish oil helps prevent heart disease, why didn’t my codfish cigarettes sell well anywhere but Japan and Alaska?

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I, personally, want to die in bed… as I have many times before.

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No one is truly dead as long as they live in our hearts.  Don’t expect them to respond to your emails, though.

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Am I the only one who thinks the word “widower” should be the term for someone who kills someone’s husband?

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My dear father, who never proofread anything he sent me, told me that a man should “never die with egrets”.  I’ve avoided bird sanctuaries ever since…

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24 thoughts on “I Go Dark Again: Thoughts on Death

  1. spell check is a must, and so is grammar if you wish to be known by your suicide note.
    I think you are the only one with the ‘widower’ definition, it makes sense though. If you kill an unmarried man you would be murderer, will there be different punishment then?

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      1. It’s an existential masterpiece: Guys who date all the time but seem to be virgins; old people who are either pure evil or morons; three people who only speak in partial sentences so they can assume ANYTHING from what their roommates say.

        Literally no plot of that show would work after the invention of the cell phone…

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    1. Thank you, Robyn. I was actually being rushed to the hospital for chest pains and I thought I was dying and my life DIDN’T flash before my eyes; but, sadly, neither did Three’s Company…

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      1. It kind of depends on how dull the party is. If it is deadly dull, I usually feel the need to wake things up. If everything is running smoothly, I tend to keep to myself…

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  2. I used to tell jokes to visiting in-laws, but they died. Eventually I ran out of in-laws, so just for laughs, I turned to blogging. Now my computer keeps dying, and my in-laws refuse to return from the dead for another round, so I guess I was wrong to think my jokes are as funny as hell.

    Liked by 1 person

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