Why I Ate a Stick of Butter

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A cow jumping over the moon sculpted out of butter makes your argument invalid…

I couldn’t find the lard.

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I took it out of the refrigerator accidentally and I didn’t want to look stupid.

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I’m trying to eat all my food alphabetically and I already finished off the almonds and anchovies.

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I’m lubricating the inside of my body so that my lungs work more smoothly.

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My friends were over and we were bored, so I did my impersonation of David Grohl eating a stick of butter. One of my friend saw him eat a stick of butter once and he said my impersonation was SPOT ON.

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I was performing my play, Zeus and Chronos. The stick of butter was the only one to try out for the part of Zeus.

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It seemed the best thing to do, drunk as I was.

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It discourages people from breaking into my home and making pancakes.

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I didn’t get a lot of butter growing up so I’m buttering everything I’ve ever eaten retroactively.

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My doctor said, “Eat healthier”… but, what I heard was “eat a stick of butter”…

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20 thoughts on “Why I Ate a Stick of Butter

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