Temere Cogitationes (Random Thoughts)

I’ll bet, if you are one of a set of identical twins, you get very tired of people asking, “Do you know who you REALLY remind me of?”…

In my opinion, any confession gained under the influence of Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth would be considered coercion by most European and American courts. That’s why you don’t hear a lot about her conviction rate. Underdog would just drop criminals directly through the ceiling of the prison, which is probably a judicial and administrative nightmare…

If, in the afterlife, each hour playing Minecraft was counted as a good deed, that would be very helpful.

I managed to shoot my first deer when I was in my early teens. It wasn’t that hard. The hard part was getting out of the zoo before they closed off the exits.

P. T. Barnum looked like what Bill Murray would look like if he looked a little like P. T. Barnum.

I tried a career as a wine-taster but I got fired when they caught me not drinking on the job…

The guy in Scotland wanted two hundred dollars for a Dore-engraved nineteenth-century family Bible. I only wanted to pay one hundred. He said that he’d meet me halfway; so, I waited off the coast of Greenland for him for three DAYS and he never showed up. When I got back, he’d knocked fifty dollars off of his price but I was too mad to even care…

I dreamed that Doris Day was being drowned in a cocktail dress in a swimming pool while making an album cover. When I woke up she was dead. Coincidence?

One day, I’d like to be the epitome of something. But, I think the closest that I’ll ever come is being a piss-poor example of something.

In my opinion, people with deformities need to be treated with dignity… provided that we’re still allowed to poke them with sticks…