How Coronavirus Will Change Your Life

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Your favorite brand of Mexican beer suddenly goes on sale.

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People are coughing into their elbows and sneezing into their shoes.

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Your boss asks you to start working from home and you are the janitor.

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Clearing the seats around you at the movies is just an elbow cough away.

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Any Purell you own is suddenly worth ten dollars an ounce.  Any fake Purell that you make is suddenly worth ten dollars an ounce.

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That stock you bought for pennies on the dollar is back to being pennies again.

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People are finally getting tired of all that winning… and feverish…

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People are washing their hands for twenty seconds, but not their elbows.

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We are at that magical interval between where we make fun of Italy, Iran and China and the point where we find ourselves killing an old woman over a family pack of Top Ramen at the grocery store.

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We finally get to see Donald Trump debate… his own CDC…

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You find yourself looking back fondly on ebola and SARS.

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You reflexively hug your grandmother… then you think, “Oops!  That’s it.  I’m dead”; then, you look at her face and realize that she is having THE EXACT SAME THOUGHT.

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We’ll get the opportunity to compare New York State hand sanitizer to the name brands.

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Sumo matches in empty arenas look moronic… like two fat guys with a grudge…

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15 thoughts on “How Coronavirus Will Change Your Life

  1. The grandmother one cracked me up. Sanitizing wipes too – I have been on the search for two days now for this stupid soccer trip that STILL isn’t canceled. Even Amazon is sold out. Crazy people

    Liked by 1 person

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