I got one of those fantasy swords in the mail. I wanted to call it, “Dragon Hacker” but I realized that I’d already given that name to my couch.
I think all ballots should be write-in ballots because I really don’t think people with bad penmanship deserve a voice in our government.
Nothing says, “Let’s change the topic of conversation” like a sandal thrown at one’s head.
I wrote a book on Gothic cathedrals once; and, to make it more difficult, I didn’t let myself use the words “Gothic” or “cathedral”.
After my accident, the doctor said I would never dance again; but, I did… once. Unfortunately, no one saw me so the doctor told me it doesn’t count.
I confessed to setting an explosion that killed eleven people because it gave me an alibi for an explosion that killed twelve people.
I think that people who wait for the voices in their heads to tell them to kill aren’t being proactive enough.
Only in America is the populist candidate the guy with solid gold toilet seats.
In space, no one can hear you scream… or yodel, which is why there are no Swiss in space.
Better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie… that’s not really true, but believing it makes me feel better…
If the wheel had never been invented, paddle-boats would simply be floating S&M emporiums.