How I Save Money in this Time of Great Inflation

Once Popular Canned Foods That No One Eats Any More

I’ve stopped buying turkey and just make my own out of hundreds of discarded wrens.

I take all of my used tea-bags and create hypoallergenic pillows. Just remember to use a pillow-case or all that residual caffeine keeps one awake.

I buy lots of canned goods on sale so, instead of throwing away fresh produce I don’t use after a week or so, I can throw out canned goods I don’t use after a year or so.

T-shirts that don’t make any sense can be bought for pennies on the dollar. A picture of a cat with the words, “Sloan fries the best when weeping” might be confusing but it still counts as clothing.

If you are a junkie, remember that dealers often sell the remnants of all their sold drugs for almost nothing… and, who doesn’t want the exquisite high you get from a mix of ecstasy, fentynal, baby laxative, PCP and rice flour?

Why buy cable when you can watch the best six minutes of any movie on Youtube and then piece together the plot using hearsay and the IMDB synopsis?

Instead of using money, I try to pay my bills using expired cans of food.

Every once in a while I set my car on fire to get money from my insurance company; although, once I got confused and burned down my insurance company thinking that I’d get a car.

I get all my surgeries and dental work done in third-world areas such as Mexico, Guatemala and Mississippi.

I never tell my date where I live so I can tell her that my home is a “little hole in the wall restaurant that specializes in expired canned foods”…sometimes I pretend my dog is the maitre d and we split the tips…

16 thoughts on “How I Save Money in this Time of Great Inflation

  1. I reuse coffee grinds three times really making sure I squeeze out all the caffeine content. Of course, gotta pee a lot more too…and walking…fasting…amazing what we can do when the costs increase…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You see a lot of them on disaster victims in other countries. We may not have a need for “Ryan Reynolds for Senator” t-shirts, but some people might…

      Like

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