You shouldn’t worry about dying young because, frankly, you AREN’T that young anymore.
You are NOT being followed. They know your schedule so well, they are already waiting for you at your destination.
You think that your frustrating day at work is a symptom of failing memory due to age; but, nothing could be further from the truth. You haven’t been to work in twenty years. What you’re suffering from is dementia.
Your office mates aren’t laughing at you behind your back; however, they are taking turns spitting into your coffee mug.
You think that your virility is waning but it might just be that you are becoming less interested in being a heterosexual.
Having a disturbing and recurring dream doesn’t necessarily mean that something bad is going to happen to you; it might only indicate that you have lost your sanity.
Don’t fret, it is nearly impossible for a poisonous snake to get into your home; but, if by some miracle one did, your warm bed would be the first place it would go.
Don’t worry, the world will never find out what a sham you are. At this point, only your kids know and they are too mortified to tell ANYONE…
Your spouse is NOT trying to poison you. Your significant other has access to your unconscious body for eight hours a day and could do all sorts of unspeakable things to you. But, those are the actions of a very angry person and your spouse is not furious with you… as far as you know.
God does NOT hate you. He just likes your enemies more than he likes you.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 