Truck Stops Part 2: Fine Dining

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Every truck stop has a “secret menu” of foods that you have to ask for. My favorite? “The Safe-to-eat Fish”.

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If a truck stop has a huge sign that is at least a hundred feet above the ground, it is probably a clean and well-run establishment. This is moot, however, because, once you get onto the access road, you’ll never ever find it.

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As far as the food is concerned, the safest thing to ask for in a truck stop is the check.

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Eating at a truck stop need not be unhealthy. Order the “heart-smart” egg-white omelet. Maybe some beluga caviar on the side for dipping… and some unicorn jerky for the road.

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You can often get a ride from a trucker who is going the same direction you are. Often they just want company or conversation or that thrill they get when the kill yet another hitchhiker….

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Truck stops tend to have more grease in their coffee than on their eggs. If you want low cholesterol, just order whatever you like but don’t eat it.

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Just in case you are in dire need of a post card with a bikini-clad woman on it and a pun either about her breasts or her buttocks, they usually sell them at the cash register.

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Your eating utensils have seen things that they cannot unsee. They’ve been places that your worst nightmares and Rob Zombie can only hint at. Enjoy your pancakes!

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Despite her use of the words “sugar” and “honey”, your waitress only thinks of you as a tip with feet…

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Sometimes a spirited arm-wrestling match breaks out in the dining area, leading to a spirited argument about who cheated… often leading to guns being pulled out. If you were planning on leaving without paying, this is the time: Wait ‘til the shooting starts, head for the door and, for God’s sake, KEEP LOW…

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16 thoughts on “Truck Stops Part 2: Fine Dining

  1. There are so many truck stops and roadside restaurants in the United States. Here in Sweden there is quite a distance between the roadside restaurants, and some special truck stops are not here, but many restaurants have large parking spaces for trucks.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Now days it’ most by trucks and we have a lot of trucks on the roads, but we do not have the truck culture you have, your country is also much bigger than ours.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. So you do NOT want a path to the WC…

        BTW, ready to start on the book Idaho. Looking forward to it… After a five hundred page biography on Beckett, anything will look pleasant…

        Like

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