Your favorite sandwich is anchovies between two pieces of beef jerky.
Half the time you give a blood sample, the vial explodes off of the needle and embeds itself into a wall.
Your stool makes an effective salt lick.
You’ve switched from a salt-shaker to a tablespoon
Your friends and family won’t eat any baked goods you prepare without rinsing them first.
The little Morton’s girl is very worried about you.
You take showers looking up at the ceiling with your mouth open.
The funeral plot you’ve picked out for yourself is classified as a future Superfund site.
You can make a corned beef just by holding a round roast in your hands for twenty minutes.
When you finish your popcorn, you find yourself licking the inside of the bag…
People keep mistaking you for Lot’s wife…