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If you find someone with a neck or back injury, DO NOT TRY TO MOVE THEM. Do not call 911 because whoever they send will try to move them and, as I just told you, YOU SHOULD NOT TRY TO MOVE THEM.
After sustaining a traumatic injury, what kills many people is shock. Shock is easy to avoid if you just remember one rule: Do NOT sustain traumatic injuries.
If you need to induce vomiting in a patient, be sure that patient is facing the other direction.
In case of a nose-bleed, hold the head forward and pinch the nose with a rag or tissue. If, after five minutes, the nose continues to bleed, apply a tourniquet to the neck.
If you’ve been bitten by a bat, seek medical attention immediately. You may need a rabies shot. Seek religious help if you develop an aversion to garlic or no longer show up in a mirror.
Apply a cold compress to a spider bite after applying your shoe to the spider.
If, after an insect bite, you develop nausea or vomiting, you might be allergic. An antihistamine should help. If it doesn’t help, congratulations, you are pregnant.
If someone has a third-degree burn (charring of the skin), you should call 911 immediately… unless they also have a neck injury; because YOU CAN’T MOVE SOMEONE WITH A NECK INJURY.
An area inflamed from poison ivy should be washed well as should the clothes one was wearing when one came into contact with it. Do not scratch the affected area. Just sit quietly until your brain explodes and your skeleton jumps out of your skin.
If you have to go to the emergency room, it is vital that you tell the nurse that you have chest pains; otherwise, you won’t be seeing a doctor for eighteen hours.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Are you psychic? I have just had to drive 130km towing an 18 ft caravan, when I have never towed anything, as my partner came down very ill overnight. He refused to let me call an ambulance because he had back pain. 🙃
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Yes, Deb… I am, in fact, psychic. But, I can only use my powers on Australians, oddly enough…
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Told you you needed to move here 😊
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The people seem great. I’d just be afraid of being poisoned by every reptile, amphibian, mammal and bird I encountered.
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You forgot plants. Google “Gympie Gympie Plant.” 😂
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Well, THAT’S a particularly nasty plant.
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There were three in a row that made me chuckle out loud – all starting with “Seek religious help if you develop an aversion to garlic or no longer show up in a mirror.” The spider and the insect cracked me up too. Fun to read!
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Thanks, Robyn… The theme this week is “Safety”…
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My doctor disagreed with your diagnosis of pregnancy. Something about me not having a womb…? 😂
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In a pinch, the baby can gestate in a box lined with fresh newspaper…
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Oh! Right! You know so much! I assume you went to some sort of wonderful medical school?
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Texas Tech. I was an engineering student, but you could see the medical school from there and it didn’t look so tough…
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🙂 I laughed at several, too. These were a great product of absurdity and truth.
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THAT is how humor is supposed to work… with occasional references to horses walking into a bar…
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True, but some bits of humor work better than others.
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I particularly liked the one about applying your shoe to a spider… 😂 now tell me, HOW exactly, does a Buddhist get around that one?
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In reality, Patti, I never kill spiders. If I want one gone, I get a jar and a piece of paper, then throw him outside.
But, unless they seem like they are going to be a problem, I usually let them be…
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I figured 😊 I am a reformed spider killer myself. Took me a long time: they still make me shudder but I have noticed they tend to stay in one place and mind their own business. AND I rarely see any other insects, which tells me they’re doing their job…
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If the spiders are big enough, you won’t have to worry about mice, either…
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