Genetic Achievements for a Better Tomorrow

Use gene splicing to create a cat with the loyalty of a dog, the personality of a dog and the body of a dog.

Engineer all new babies to be able to change their own damned diapers.

Genetically modify cattle to fall into easily butchered parts when a secret word is uttered aloud in its presence.

Engineer albino births for future careers as human chess pieces.

Create a race of women with wide hips, large breasts and full lips; then, create a race of guys who are shorter and uglier than I am. Better give the women low standards, too… just to be sure…

Engineer the DNA of wheat so that, if farmers use it without paying, it calls Monsanto and tells on them.

Find the DNA pattern that makes someone really good at genetic science and remove it from all new-born babies, so we can get this nonsense over with in a single generation.

Engineer snakes that whistle when they are within sixty feet.

Create a master race of seeing eye dogs that will be prone to biting able-bodied people sitting in the bus’ handicapped seat.

Clone Richard Roundtree. I know we’ve already got one but the one we have is getting pretty worn out…