Is Salma Hayek a Werebear?

[In my effort to bring you hard hitting articles on conspiracies that hide just beneath the surface of our lives, I bring you this one:  Does Salma Hayek turn into a brown bear when the moon is full?  Truth is stranger than fiction]

Salma Hayek is five foot two; but, when she stands on her back legs she can be up to eight feet tall.

A bear, in its natural environment, is at the top of the food chain. To date, no animal has eaten Salma Hayek, either.

Salma Hayek showed up for filming Once Upon a Time in Mexico visibly thinner than she’d been in Desperado. Some theorize that she’d been hibernating the previous winter.

For the movie, Savages, Salma Hayek was paid in honey.

For relaxation, during the filming of Spy Kids, Salma Hayek would casually swat salmon out of a nearby river.

She’s never mauled anyone, but doesn’t she look as if she’s about to?

As a rule, werebears cannot attain human form again until they have tasted the blood of a human; however, Salma Hayek is a marketable and popular celebrity who doesn’t have to follow the same rules as everyone else.

Hayek married businessman Francois-Henri Pinault who was president of Artemis, a holding company. In Greek myth, Artemis was the huntress. What did she hunt? Bears! Do I have to do ALL the thinking???

Like a bear, Salma Hayek can be taught to ride a unicycle and dance for thrown coins.

The reason Hollywood hides this terrifying truth is because the lie is even MORE horrifying, whatever that means.